Day 2

So, I feel OK today. Yesterday, I was a bit angry at my deficient body. Not particularly upset, though I shed a small tear.
I don't know why I keep failing to concieve. It wouldn't be so bad if it had been difficult the other times, but it wasn't. The baby I lost was a fumble in the dark of an accident, and Fatboy took two weeks. This is cycle five. FIVE. I never dreamed it would take this long. I've been on folic acid since NOVEMBER. I'm still breastfeeding, but ovulation is now normal and my luteal phase is 14 days. Breastfeeding causes a prolactin surge which inhibits ovulation, and can make the luteal phase very short. So I'm quite happy that I am at least working FAIRLY normally now. I'm going to give it another month, and then get a blood test to check I'm ovulating and start temperature charting. I've always avoided temp charting. It's a bit TOO obsessive for my liking.

Maybe cycle 5 will be the charm and I shall have another March baby. Is it really two years since I was gearing up to TTC the Fatboy?

However, shortly I shall be off on holiday and I can drink, eat shellfish and rare meat and swim and dance and be vigorous and all the stuff I would be avoiding if I was in early pregnancy, so there's a silver lining there at least. I should be ovulating on holiday which is added goodness.

I'm surrounded by pregnant people. A woman at work, a friend I see every week at the toddler group. All beaming and BLOOMING. Gah to them. I swig my wine and ignore them.

Sigh

AF has just arrived. Trying not to be downhearted, I have so much else in my life to be happy and thankful for.

I do not spend my entire waking life thinking about being pregnant. I merely restrict it to this blog, as not to alarm my husband.

I have no motivation to do anything today. I feel enormously fat, greasy and hideous. It is not nice. I like it not.

*Eats Hat*

Sigh. Perhaps I will be pregnant on thursday. That or my body is awrong.

If I'm not pregnant I WILL EAT MY FUCKING HAT.
I feel dreadful. Cotton mouth, fatigued beyond belief, spacey, distracted and generally miserable, even though I'm NOT miserable.

Must...keep...not...testing...

I FEEL so DAMNED pregnant, I'm testing in the morning.

27 degrees is bloody hot for Norfolk in May. Usually it's like 21. It rarely reaches the dizzy high-20s in August. I can deal with it being ludicrously hot in OTHER places, like in Spain, but for some reason, Britain just gets MUGGY and HUMID. I like that glossy, shimmering heat you get in NATURALLY hot countries. I am jealous of Australian heat tolerance :p

Fatboy slept from 7pm-5:30am in his own bed, with just a brief wakeup feed around 1am. I'm trying so hard to wean him from the boobymilk, but he LOVES the boobymilk, so it's not very easy. Sigh.

Something other than bodywatching

We're going on holiday to Hayling Island shortly. I had never even heard of it before booking a week in a caravan on the basis of cheapness alone. I have just searched 'things to do in Hayling' on google and came up with the following:

Funland Fun Park. There's a Funland at Trevornick holiday park in Cornwall. It is lame, but it has battle boats. If this Funland has battle boats, then the game is on!

The Light Railway. There's ALWAYS a light railway. Like people living in insignificant resorts have nothing else to do.

Fish and Chips on The Beach. Not a pleasure restricted to islands on the south coast, methinks.

Ride The Halfpipe. Because Hayling has a skatepark people. So does the mini village down the road from me.

The Adventure Playground. W00t.

I browse further down and discover this is the 'kid's list'. I can safely say Fatboy will not enjoy any of the above. So, for adult delight:

Walk the Coastal Path. I will probably do this. Endlessly. Until my hightops cut off the circulation to the rest of my legs.

Hit the Boot Sale. I presume it means there is a car boot sale, and not a sale of boots.

Try Your Hand At Golf. No thanks

Learn to Kitesurf. Sounds hideously dangerous.

Take a Wildlife Walk. Surely this is similar to walking the coastal path?

There is also a list of stuff to do if it rains, like watch the boats or a show or a meal out. Or ice skating. Yeah.

The final advice appears to be escape from the island. Go to Portsmouth instead.

I can't WAIT to go!

In other news, it's 27 degrees celsius here right now. This is unheard of. The Fatboy is melting, I am melting. We're all melting.
I am now 10DPO and increasingly impatient, but I am being good and holding off.

*waves*

Hi Jess.

8DPO

8DPO is when I KNEW I was pregnant with Fatboy.

I can't decide. I felt pregnant last night. You know when you just KNOW? But then today, I feel kinda normal. I don't know. I feel crampy and sick today. I'm gonna test tuesday I think. We're planning a night out next saturday. I planned it thinking I would be OK to drink, lol.

I should add, my other half thinks I am. We will see.

5DPO

Feel sick
Off food. All food.
Feel irritable
Have sciatica
Have UTI. Possibly.

Oh well. We'll see!

So, approx 4DPO and I feel sick. Sicksicksick. And my nipples ache and I have a UTI, that isn't showing up on dipstick, so may not be a UTI at all.
Who knows.

DEFINITE ewcm last night.
Does anyone else see the word 'ewcm' and thinking "Ew...cum"?

D19! That's a record in the last year!

Ovulation?

Possibly. Or it could be a fakey. But we'll see. CD18 is a record for me!
Regardless, I'll be BDing like crazy til we're firmly in the 2ww
GO ON SPERM!

Bum

Woman at work was late for work coz of morning sickness.
I didn't tell anyone at work til I was 12w with Fatboy. So for six weeks, I was being violently sick every morning and then cleaning myself up and going to work ON TIME.
It makes me irritable.
Still no sign of ovulation.
GOOD LUCK SUZY x

Dreams

I dreamt I was pregnant last night. Normally, I dream of birth. But I peed on the stick and got a vast, thick positive.
So I'm kinda hopeful for this month.

I'm D15 at the moment. No sign of ovulation, but I don't usually ovulate til around D24, so not a huge surprise.
Must keep doing it. Must...make...baby...

Things That Should Not Be Allowed

A woman at work is approx 5w pregnant. Lucky her, right? Well, she does nought but moan. She feels sicky, she retches, her husband doesn't care, she wants to go back to bed. Wah wah wah.
It should not be allowed. Pregnant women should not bitch to TTC women. Especially when they KNOW said woman is TTC. She actually had the nerve to ask me if I was sure I wanted to go through this again.
Nob off. Bargh.

Cycle Four, Day 11

Yeah. So it's been five months since we started trying for #2. Although, technically it's number 3. The first two happened without trying at all, so this whole HAVING TO TRY PROPERLY thing is really doing my head in. I don't temperature chart, but I do keep an eye out for fertility signs. I'm still breastfeeding #1. I have 40+ day cycles. I suck at babymaking essentially. On top of that, there is some concern that The Good Man has hormonal problems for which he's awaiting investigation.

I'm not expecting to ovulate for another two weeks. Every cycle, I pray this is the one. I wanted a small age gap between Fatboy and the next one, but it doesn't look like I'm going to get it. Le sigh.