38+5

I've had a FUN WEEK (not)

I've got a UTI. Nobody has given me any treatment yet and I'm in agony today. Every time Lump brushes me bladder, I'm in a paroxysm of pain.

I had the midwife on Wednesday. Lump is measuring 34cm and she couldn't tell if he was breech or ceph, so I had a jolly emergency scan. Lo! Lump is cephalic, a healthy size (though small compared to his giant brother) and slightly polyhydramnios. Nothing to worry about, I just expect a messy, wet birth and a small baby. I say small, he'll probably be 7ish pounds. Fatbum was over 9lb.

In cheerier news, he's starting to engage. As he's my second baby, this probably means he will be born fairly soon. The emotional balls of being pregnant with HIS baby is taking it's toll. Although I'm not especially uncomfortable, just tired, I am sick of being pregnant. Sick of knowing it's his baby. Sick of wondering just how useless he'll be, hypothesising how much lower he will sink. Trying desperately not to hope, yet hoping all the same that somehow he'll transform back into the man I wanted kids with.

I disgust myself.

His brother announced they're having a new baby. It galls me.

9 days til I'm due. 9 days til I can stop torturing myself with what-ifs.