It's slowly dawning on me that my husband isn't going to turn into Superdad. That hurts me more than anything. I can find another man, one that appreciates and loves me and treats me PROPERLY. But I cannot find my children a new father. You only get one shot. And he's fucked it.
I finally have a bump I can't escape by sucking it in! Keep throwing up, get very stiff and achey in the legs and hips sometimes and anaemia is kicking in good and proper. I've got a blood test at the end of the week. I really hope my levels have dropped enough to start treatment. I had them done nearly three weeks ago and my B12 was just above the lower limit of normal and my Hb was straying into the low territory. But despite my history, my GP didn't want to start medication. Really annoys me. They don't have to put up with the fatigue, vomiting and continuous nosebleeds! It's such an easy thing to fix!
I'm really getting worried about how I'll cope with two small children. Fatbum is still breastfeeding and I don't have the energy or willpower to nightwean him. I try cuddling him to sleep instead which works about 50% of the time. My milk MUST be drying up by now. Also, I'm worried about how he will adapt to the new baby and all the coming and going. My husband, well I have no idea how useful he's going to be in the final month of pregnancy or first few weeks of life. I really can't count on him to be much of a help.
Sometimes, I'd really like to hide and cry. My husband's new residence is entirely unsuitable for a toddler, so he can't have Fatbum overnight yet. This means I get NO rest from early mornings or night waking. It's not fair. I did nothing to him and yet, I'm the one who has to suffer everything.
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