Sometimes, I feel like I'm the only person who cares about my baby boy. His father is so hopelessly confused that he prefers to withdraw completely. My family are wonderful, but I don't see them very often. My in-laws are in denial. Work seem to forget I'm pregnant at all, because my bump is quite compact and difficult to see under my work shirt. I feel very isolated.
At the same time, I am enjoying the actual pregnancy far more than I did with Fatboy. I'm less anaemic, smaller, less sick. I'm more tired, because I'm dealing with more, and the emotional train wreck that goes on in my head never stops.
My bump is about the same size as it was with Fatboy at 21 weeks. I've still got my waist, and my bump is a beautiful shape. I really like it. The baby is lovely and active, I can see him moving around now.
Life is still so unsettled, but I am becoming slowly more settled emotionally. I spend less time feeling hopeless, and more time facing up to the truth of it all. I have to be very careful when dealing with my feelings to not let too much in at once, because it's so easy to get overwhelmed. What my husband did to me before we separated was try and make me hate myself. It's a difficult thing to deal with, nevermind forgive.
I'm not afraid anymore. I feel like I can do anything.
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